Delirious II #51
by KaitlynRose
Summary: Lucas is deathly ill and the poeple who love him prepare to say good bye.


I do not own seaQuest or its characters.  I am not profiting from this story.  It is for entertainment purposes only.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  In this story there are a lot of references to a previous story that I wrote called Altered Reality.  In that story Bridger and Lucas had some kind of a supernatural experience and went back in history and experienced life as a family with Carol and Robert.  It was only a dream and it didn't change the real world, but it did change them and how they think about the past somewhat.  So if you get lost in some of the references I make in this story or why Lucas is suddenly referring to Carol as Mom, now you'll understand where I'm coming from…hopefully.  There is a method to my insanity…I swear!!  

Delirious II 

By:  Kaitlyn Rose

Kristin examined a sample of Lucas' blood under the microscope.  She didn't see any of the parasites in his blood.  She felt hopeful that perhaps it was over, but she knew just because his blood was currently parasite free that really didn't mean anything.  The parasites could be hiding in his liver still.

She rubbed her eyes and stepped out of her office.  Lucas was sleeping still.  He had slept peacefully all night.  After what his body suffered yesterday sleep was the best thing for him, although she wanted him to get out of bed today and start using his muscles some.

Nathan entered med bay carrying two cups of coffee.

"Oh you're simply wonderful," Kristin sighed, taking the steaming cup.

"How is he doing?" Nathan asked.

"Well, right now he's fine.  He's worn out from yesterday, but he isn't showing any signs of illness."

"But?"

"But, that doesn't really mean anything," Kristin finished.  "All we can do is wait…and hope.  How is the investigation into Senor Drake going?"

"The launches are getting ready to go out again today to search for this uncharted island that is supposedly his hide out if the communications we've intercepted are accurate.  Honestly, pirates, slaves, secret hide outs, it all sounds like some old movie script."

"I agree, but we both know just how very real it all is," Kristin told him.

Nathan took a long look at Lucas before replying, "Yes we do.  It's because of what happened to Lucas that I'm so determined to find these criminals."

"That's fairly obvious," Kristin said with a smirk.  "Don't worry.  If anyone can find them, you can.  I have faith in you."

"Thanks.  So what happens with Lucas today?"

"Well, I doubt I'll be able to keep him in med bay all day, though I'd like to.  I'm hoping to get him to eat today, it's important to increase his fluid and caloric intake, and he needs a bit of exercise, but not too much, I don't want to exhaust him.  Then hopefully I'll be able to have him spend the rest of the day in bed in his room."

"Ben is asking to see Lucas," Nathan said.

"I'm surprised the man wasn't busting down the door to med bay yesterday."

"He was gone all day on supply runs back and forth to the main land."

"Ah," Kristin replied.  "Well, I would ask that he wait till Lucas is out of med bay and in his own room before he come visit.  Lucas is going to still be weak this morning and Ben can be rather exhausting at times, especially when he's on a mission to cheer up his best friend."

"Lucas isn't Ben's best friend," Nathan explained.  "As far as Ben is concerned Lucas is the little brother he never had.  If there's one thing I know for certain, it's that he loves Lucas as much as we do."

"I don't doubt that for a moment.  Still, I think a little quiet time this morning will be good for Lucas.  Ben can visit this afternoon."

"Fine, I'll let him know," Nathan stated and took a sip of his coffee.

________________

"What is this?" Lucas asked, looking at his glass.

"It's like chocolate milk," Kristin replied.

"It doesn't taste like chocolate milk."

"That's because I said it was **like chocolate milk, I didn't say it ****was chocolate milk," Kristin smirked.**

"But that still doesn't answer my question.  What is it?"

"It's a high calorie, high protein shake.  It's what body builders drink to help them get all of those big ugly muscles."

"Oh.  Why am I drinking it then?  I'm not a body builder."

"No, but you can use the calories and the protein after being sick yesterday.  So drink it," Kristin ordered.

"But it's gritty, like sandpaper" Lucas complained.

"So drink it quickly and be done with it," Kristin exclaimed.

"But I don't want to drink it," Lucas whined.  "If you think it's so good then you're welcome to have it."

"Lucas, stop acting like a big baby and just drink it."

"But…"

"Lucas, I'll give you a choice.  Drink it, and later you can go to your room, or don't drink it and stay in med bay hooked up to an IV.  The choice is yours."

Lucas glared at her and actually crossed his arms over his chest in defiance.  Kristin bit her lip in an attempt not to laugh at him.

"Well, what are you going to do?"

Lucas took a deep breath, picked up the glass, and actually pinched his nose.  In four seconds flat he gulped down the entire powdery mixture.  Then he grabbed his water glass and tried to wash it down and get the taste out of his mouth.

"Happy?" Lucas asked, only mildly angry.

"Very," Kristin replied in her crisp British tone.  "You must be getting well to be complaining so much already.  Now finish your breakfast.  I want to take your IV out and you need to get a little exercise."

________________

The rest of the day passed pretty uneventfully.  Lucas had been relatively well behaved, only complaining now and then as Kristin fussed over him.  Lucas had wanted to keep pushing himself but Nathan had helped her to order Lucas to take a nap and then relax for the rest of the day.

Lucas was now lying in the sofa while Ben sat in the floor.  They were watching Dad's copy of _Abbot and Costello meet Dracula.  _

Kristin was sitting at the table going over some reports from the lab since she was now two days behind in her work.  She looked up and smiled when she heard Lucas and Ben start laughing at the movie.  She had to admit that Ben had also been on his very best behavior today.  He had kept Lucas company but didn't tire him out, for which Kristin was grateful.

Nathan stepped into the room carrying several cans of Coke along with candy bars.

"No fair!" Nathan exclaimed.  "You started the movie without me."

"We waited a half an hour for you to get here," Lucas teased.  "We've only seen about ten minutes of it."

"We can start it over," Ben said.

"Don't bother," Nathan laughed, passing out the goodies.  "I've already seen it about ten times."

Lucas sat up in the sofa to make room for Dad and so he wouldn't spill his pop.

Nathan tried to watch the movie, but his attention was focused on Lucas.  He noticed that Lucas looked pretty relaxed as he watched the old movie and cracked jokes with Ben.  Nathan hoped that life could finally return to normal and that Lucas could be happy once again.

________________

The next morning Kristin checked on Lucas and was delighted to see that he was doing just fine.

"Mom I'm okay," Lucas whined.  "You don't have to keep checking on me every five minutes."

"I have not been checking on you every five minutes," Kristin remarked.  "I wait at least fifteen."

"Ha, ha, very funny," Lucas retorted.  "Can I go to the lab today?  I need to get back to work on trying to locate a water level for reverberating dolphin sounds."

Kristin thought about it.  If Lucas worked in the labs today she'd be able to keep an eye on him.  "Fine, you can work in the lab, but you'll take breaks when I tell you too without complaining, and there will be no skipping meals.  Do I make myself clear?"

"Perfectly," Lucas replied, rolling his eyes.

"Good.  I'm going now.  I'll see you in a little while."  Kristin ruffled Lucas' hair before leaving the room.

Lucas grabbed some clean clothes and went to take a shower.  In less than twenty minutes he was walking through the corridor on his way to the labs.  He rubbed at his temples as he felt the start of a headache coming on.

________________

Nathan was on the bridge reading several reports.  He had been there for the past four hours already.  He was pretty sure that they were closing in on Drake.  Just before the shuttles were ordered to return last night Ortiz and Shan had located the island that served as Drake's base of operations.  It was small, little more than a square mile, and from what Ortiz and Shan had observed there was one hell of a security system on the island, along with two dozen or more guards carrying automatic weapons.  If a team went on the island it would soon turn into a blood bath.

He would need Lucas to try and hack into their security system and shut it down, this way they could at least have the element of surprise when they went on land.  The best bet would be to strike fast and hard, take out the guards with stunners before they could alert the people inside that they were under attack.  But Nathan couldn't move on the island until he was sure that Drake was actually there.  It would be pointless otherwise.  Drake would just set up a new base of operations some where else and carry on with business as usual.

________________

Kristin opened her e-mails and saw that she had several communications from doctors and professors that she was currently helping by supplying them with data collected by seaQuest.  There was also an e-mail from Cynthia, and three from Jack.  She sighed and shook her head.

She positioned the cursor over the messages and deleted the ones from Jack without even bothering to open and read them.  Then she realized that she had to put a stop to this.  She went into her trash, pulled up one of the e-mails and opened it.

_Kristin,_

_Why won't you contact me?  I keep waiting and waiting for you to talk to me.  It's so frustrating.  I need to hear from you.  Please talk to me.  _

_Love, Jack_

Kristin clicked on the reply button and waited for the new window to pop up.  Then she wrote him back.

_Jack,_

_Against my better judgment I am writing you back, but not for the reason you are hoping for.  Jack, we have been divorced for over fifteen years.  You need to let go of the past.  I do NOT love you.  I haven't loved you for a very long time.  There is no future for us and I do not want to see you or have dinner.  I am a married woman and Nathan is a loving, kind, and generous man, qualities you do not possess.  From now on any e-mails you send me will be immediately deleted, any letters will be thrown away unread, and gifts will be trashed without being opened.  I want nothing from you, now or ever._

_Kristin_

Kristin reread the message three times before she finally sent it on its way.  She hoped that she was doing the right thing.  With Jack it was often hard to tell.  He might read the message and stop, or he might become hopeful simply because she took the time to reply, regardless of what she actually wrote him, or he might become enraged.  She had no way of knowing, and she really didn't care.  As of today she wouldn't let this bother her anymore.  Let Jack behave like a jealous jerk.  She would simply do as she said she would.  From now on any communications from him would be immediately disposed of.

________________

Lucas was studying several satellite readings of water temperatures when he started to feel nauseous.  His head was pounding and he was dizzy.  He laid the colorful charts down and closed his eyes for a moment.  He really hoped he wasn't going to come down with the flu or something.  He didn't want to be sick again so soon.  

Maybe he needed to eat something.  It was lunch time and he was sure Mom would be coming any minute to tell him to stop work and eat.  He'd beat her to the punch today.  He stood up and walked carefully to the door as he was still a little dizzy.

He kept one hand on the wall as he walked through the corridor and finally entered the mess.  He smiled when he saw Ben, Katie, and Tim sitting at a table.  They all waved for him to join them as soon as he had his tray.

He walked up to the counter and moaned.  Meatloaf!  Yuck!  Loaf-of-meat.  Could there possibly be anything more disgusting?  He filled his plate with mashed potatoes and gravy.  Then he popped two slices of chocolate cake on his tray.  With that done he went over to Ben's table.

"Hey kid, interesting lunch you've got there," Ben teased.

"I don't do meatloaf," Lucas replied.

"But you do, do chocolate cake," Tim smirked, shoving a bite of his own cake into his mouth.

"I'm fifteen, of course I do chocolate cake," Lucas replied in a classic smart aleck fashion.  "So what's been happening lately?"

"We've located the pirate's hideout," Tim replied and then yelped when Ben kicked him under the table.

"It's okay," Lucas said.  "He can talk about it.  Um…so did you find Drake?"

"We don't have a positive ID on him yet but it should only be a matter of time," Katie said.  "How is your research coming?  Are you any closer to being able to use the vocorder in open waters?"  She figured it would be better for Lucas to change the subject.

"I haven't had much time lately to work on it, but using it in open waters really isn't the problem.  I'm looking for a sea level where the sound will bounce between the layers of sea and keep on going for miles, like it does for the whales.  Just think if I could have Darwin communicate with dolphins all over the planet and then translate for us what they're saying."

"Why don't you just ask Darwin if this layer of water exists?" Tim said.  "It would stand to reason that if dolphins use water to speak back and forth, he would know about it."

Lucas had this look on his face like he had just been slapped.

"Lucas, what's wrong?" Ben asked.

"I can't believe what an idiot I am," he replied.

"What?" Ben exclaimed.

"It never even occurred to me to just ask Darwin.  I've been studying whale research, looking at satellite images of the ocean, going over my own notes for the vocorder, and I could have just asked Darwin.  God I'm an idiot."  Lucas set his elbows on the table and put his face in his hands.

"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself," Ben said.  "After all, you've had a lot on your mind lately, ya know."

"Ya, I guess," Lucas replied, lowering his hands and shaking his head, still berating himself.  He closed his eyes when he felt another wave of dizziness hit him.  He noticed he was starting to feel really cold.  That realization hit him like a rock.  Headache, stiff and sore, dizzy, and now cold.  Oh no, it couldn't be!  Not again.  Please not again.

Lucas quickly stood up from the table, knocking his chair over.  He clutched the side of the table with his hands.

"Kid, what's the matter?" Ben demanded, jumping up and putting a hand on Lucas' shoulder.

"Not again," Lucas muttered.

"Lucas?" Ben pushed.

"It's happening again," Lucas gasped, and then he felt his body start shivering.

Ben also felt the shivering under his hand.  "Lucas, come on, tell me what's wrong."

"Mom…I need to get to Mom."  The boy's voice was strained and he looked as if he were about to cry.

"Then let's go find her," Tim said, standing on the other side of Lucas.  He and Ben both took one of Lucas' arms and started to lead the boy out of the mess.

"Katie, go tell the Captain that Lucas is going to med bay," Ben called out.  Katie nodded and hurried off towards the bridge.

"Ben, I don't want to be sick again."

"Don't worry kid, I'm sure the doc will get you all fixed up."  Ben noticed that Lucas was starting to shiver to the point where he was having difficulty walking.

"This is just like last time," Lucas whined.

"Last time?" Tim questioned.

"The malaria!"  Lucas' legs gave out and he dropped to his knees.  

Tim and Ben helped him to stand back up and then Ben reached down and lifted Lucas off the floor and carried him.  Lucas' body was jerking now and Ben had a difficult time keeping his hold on him.

"Get him to med bay, I'll run to the lab and get Kristin," Tim yelled.

"Good," Ben replied.

"So cold," Lucas mumbled.

Ben hurried into med bay and started grabbing blankets off the beds around him and wrapping Lucas up in them.  The blankets did little to stop the rigors that were taking over his body.

"Lucas, tell me what to do," Ben begged.

"I…d-don't…kn-know," Lucas replied through chattering teeth.

"Oh God!  Lucas!" Kristin gasped as she came running into the lab.

"M-mom…make it s-s-stop," Lucas pleaded.  "M-make…it…s-stop."

"Ben when did this start?" Kristin asked, already grabbing a needle and the tourniquet so she could draw some of Lucas' blood.

"It started just a few minutes ago.  One minute he was fine, sitting down to lunch, and the next minute his whole body was…was…I don't know…out of control!"

"Is someone getting Nathan?" Kristin asked.

"Yeah…Katie is."

"Ben, help Lucas to sit up and use your arm to help steady his.  I don't want to break the needle or collapse the vein before I get a sample."

"Sure doc," Ben said.  He climbed up in the bed and positioned himself behind Lucas.  Lucas leaned back into him and Ben tried his best to hold Lucas still so Kristin could find the vein and poke him.

"Mom…w-why is this hap-pen-ing a-again?"

"I knew there was a chance that you might relapse, but I was praying that you wouldn't," Kristin replied, quickly removing the needle and covering the small puncture with a bandaid.

"You knew?" Lucas exclaimed.  "W-why d-didn't you t-tell me?"

"It wasn't because I wanted to lie to you.  I just didn't want you to spend two or three days worrying about something that you would have no control over."

"Kristin!  Lucas!" Nathan said as he came running into the room.  Nathan saw Lucas on the bed, being supported by Ben.  The boy was wrapped up in at least five or six blankets but it was obvious he was still freezing.

"D-Dad, I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?  For being sick?  Lucas you can't help it.  I want you to just focus or getting better.  We're going to help you all we can," Nathan said, putting on a brave face.

"Dad…I can't do this again," Lucas told him.  "I c-can't."

Nathan grabbed Lucas' chin and forced him to look him in the face.  "Yes you can.  You're stronger than you think, and I promise to help, as will Mom."

"Me too," Ben added, not wanting to be left out.  After all, he was part of this family too.

Jennifer and Pamela entered the med bay along with Dr. Knight.  Dr. Knight clearly looked worried.  He went over to Kristin who was looking at a slide of Lucas' blood under the microscope.

"Do you see the parasites?" Dr. Knight asked Kristin.  

"Look for yourself," Kristin replied, moving away from the instrument.  She was taking deep breaths trying to calm her nerves.

"My god, so many," Dr. Knight said.  "The boy's blood is filled with them."

"I don't understand," Kristin said.  "I expected a relapse, but it looks as if he has yet to be treated at all.  I've been giving him his anti-malarial medicine for three straight days now."

"Obviously, this strain of parasite is immune to the drug you're using," Dr. Knight stated.

"I need to contact Dr. Carlson," Kristin said.

"Who's that?" Dr. Knight asked.

"He works at the research post we are here to protect.  He and the late Dr. Wyatt help the local natives to fight their outbreaks of malaria.  Surely he'd know what the best medicine is to treat Lucas."

Nathan was trying to ease Lucas' fears and listen to Kristin and Dr. Knight at the same time.  He was becoming more and more worried as he listened to the two doctors talk.  It was obvious that Lucas was in serious trouble.

"Ben, stay with Lucas," Nathan said.

"Where are you going?" Lucas asked.

"Don't worry, I'm not leaving.  I'm just going to talk to Mom."  Nathan left Lucas' bedside before the boy could question him more.

"Kristin," Nathan said.  "Tell me the truth.  What's going on?"

"Nathan, the medication I've been giving Lucas hasn't done anything to help him.  Get Tim on the phone with the research post right now.  I need to talk to Dr. Carlson immediately.  These parasites have built up a resistance to the drugs I'm using, so I need to know which drug to use in it's place."

Nathan pulled out his PAL to page Tim but then saw that the Lieutenant was in med bay, standing back watching everything that was happening.  Nathan waved for Tim to join them.

"Captain?" Tim asked.

"Go to the bridge.  Get the research post on line now.  Patch the call through to med bay."

"Yes sir."  Tim took off for the bridge.

Nathan went back to Lucas.  "Dad…what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Nathan replied.  "Mom is just trying to figure out the best way to treat you is all.  Are you still cold?"

"Not as much as before," Lucas told him.

"I expect the fever to be setting in soon."  Kristin said as she took her stethoscope and listened to Lucas' heartbeat.

"Will it be as bad as last time?" Lucas asked.

"Maybe not," Kristin said.  "Last time when we found you, you were already burning up.  This time we'll be able to try and start cooling you down the minute you start to get warm."

Lucas made a point of looking Mom in the face while she talked to him and he saw that she wouldn't look him in the eyes while she talked to him, which told him that she didn't really believe herself what she was telling him.

Nathan also noticed Kristin's behavior.  He may not be a doctor, but even he understood that if the medicine Kristin had been using was useless, then it meant that the parasites attacking Lucas had had that much more time to multiply in his body, not to mention he wasn't fully recovered yet from the last bout of the illness.

__________________

"Water," Lucas mumbled.  Nathan held the straw to Lucas' mouth so he could drink down the ice water.  The boy had been in the fever stage for an hour now and was up to 103.2.  So far he had remained conscious and coherent, but Nathan could tell that the fever was taking its toll on him.  Lucas was getting tired and yet restless at the same time.

Lucas was shivering violently.  Ice packs were already positioned around his neck and under his armpits.  He was in bed only in his boxers with a thin sheet placed over his boxers for a bit of privacy.

"More?" Nathan asked when the cup was empty.  Lucas shook his head no.

"You d-don't have to stay," Lucas said through chattering teeth.  "I kn-know that you are a-about t-to catch Dr-Drake."

"Commander Ford and Lt. Hitchcock are more than capable of running things in my absence, and they can come and speak with me any time they need to here.  I have no intention of leaving your side today."

Nathan looked up at Ben and saw the man was pacing back and forth, being careful to stay out of Lucas' line of sight.  The man's face showed a wide range of emotions, fear being the most prominent.

"D-Dad…I'm s-sorry I yelled at y-you the other d-day.  I was st-stupid for going to the brig b-by myself."

"I know you weren't really yelling at me," Nathan said.  "You were just yelling to release the frustration you were going through at the time."

"Pr-promise me…" Lucas started.

"Promise you what?" Nathan inquired.  Right now he'd promise Lucas anything he wanted if he thought it would help the boy fight his illness.

"Promise that if I d-die you won't l-leave…won't l-leave mom."

The sound of Ben's pacing back and forth came to an abrupt halt and Nathan found himself struggling to speak over the giant lump that had formed in his throat.

"L-Lucas…you're not going to die.  I don't want to hear you talk like that again, do you understand me.  seaQuest is already on it's way to the research post to get the new medicine you need to fight the malaria.  You are not going to die!"

"B-But if I do…p-promise you'll stay with m-mom…that you w-won't try to be alone again.  Promise."  Lucas tried to speak the words as forcefully as he could to get his point across.

"I promise," Nathan said softly.  He didn't like this conversation at all.  It was as if Lucas was giving up.  "But you're not going to die."

"I'm so tired," Lucas muttered.

"Then go ahead and rest.  I'll be here when you wake up," Nathan said.  Lucas nodded and closed his eyes.

Nathan looked up at Ben and was shocked to see tears falling silently down the Lieutenant's face.  Nathan had never seen the man cry.  Most people wouldn't think it was possible for the ever happy supply officer to be capable of it. Nathan was one of the few people who actually knew Ben was a lot more sensitive and caring than his public persona let on, especially when it came to Lucas.  When Ben realized the Captain was looking at him he quickly wiped his face, just realizing that the tears were even there, and then he practically ran from the room.  Nathan let out a deep sigh.

Kristin came out of her office after having spoken at length with Dr. Carlson.  The look on her face didn't reassure him.  

"Nathan we need to talk," Kristin said.  "Where did Ben go?"  She looked around the room for him.

"He…he left," Nathan said simply.

"Fine, why don't you come in my office?  Lucas should be okay for a little bit."  

Nathan set Lucas' hand down and followed Kristin.  She closed the door behind them and Nathan saw Dr. Knight was also in her office.

"What's happening?" Nathan asked.

Kristin sat down next to Nathan while Dr. Knight explained.  "We've spoken with Dr. Carlson as you know."

"What did he say?" Nathan interrupted, just wanting him to get to the point.

"The parasites in this part of the world have been immune to Chloroquine for quite some time according to Dr. Carlson.  That is the medicine we were using on Lucas.  He has recommended two different types of treatment.  The first is to use Atovaquone plus Proguanil.  The two drugs together are rather effective with limited side effects."

"So let's use them," Nathan exclaimed.

"There is a problem," Kristin replied.

"Dr. Carlson says that in the past two years they have encountered at least two dozen cases of parasites already developing immunity to the treatment," Dr. Knight warned.

"So if we use it on Lucas and the parasites are immune, then once again the treatment will be useless and he'll have another attack," Kristin said.

"What was the second treatment?" Nathan continued.

"Quinine sulphate and Doxycycline.  So far there has been no reported cases of immunity with these drugs," Knight informed.

"But…" Nathan said.  "The fact that we're having this discussion means something is wrong."

"There are serious side effects with the drugs," Kristin responded.  

"Such as?" 

"Tinnitus, high tone hearing loss, nausea, and dysphoria," Dr. Knight answered.

"What's tinnitus?" Nathan asked.

"Basically a fancy word for buzzing in the ears," Dr. Knight replied.  "Any problems Lucas has with his hearing will go away once he's finished the drug treatment."

"The temporary hearing problems and the nausea are minor problems.  The side effect that has me worried the most is the dysphoria," Kristin said.

"What is that?" Nathan asked, becoming more and more frustrated.  He just wanted Lucas to get well.

Dr. Knight answered the question.  "Dysphoria is a condition of severe depression.  Lucas would literally have to be on suicide watch for the seven days he was on the drugs and even a few days afterwards while the drugs work they're way out of his system."

Nathan stood up and began to pace back and forth much like Ben had been doing just a few minutes ago.

"Will he definitely experience the dysphoria?" Nathan asked.  "I mean, there's a chance he might not have that side effect right?"

"There's a chance," Kristin agreed, "but we have to be realistic.  Lucas has suffered from depression before, and even has attempted suicide before."

"Yes, but his suicide attempt wasn't really that serious.  It was done hastily.  He had been manipulated into doing it," Nathan insisted.

"Still, the fact of the matter is that Lucas is a very sensitive person with a lot of emotions," Kristin continued.  "And after what just happened to him on the island, and those disgusting men, and now two bouts with malaria, I think it's safe to say that we'll have to be on our guard and make sure he's looked after properly if we decide to use this drug treatment."

"So which treatment do you think we should go with?" Nathan asked.

Kristin opened her mouth to reply but never got the chance.  Alarms in the other room started going off.  All three of them hurried out of the office and to Lucas who was convulsing once again.

"Nathan guard that side of the bed so he can't fall out," Kristin ordered.  Dr. Knight stood on the opposite side of the bed and Kristin grabbed a clean cloth to use to put in Lucas' mouth so he couldn't do any damage with his teeth.  She was about to insert the cloth with Lucas began to vomit while still convulsing.

"Roll him on his side," Kristin barked.  "We have to keep his airway clear."

Nathan helped Kristin to roll Lucas onto his side and Dr. Knight propped the boy up from the other side.  It took about thirty seconds for the seizure to finally pass.  Kristin suctioned Lucas' mouth before having Nathan finally lay him back on his back.

"Jennifer, help me to get him cleaned up, and we need a new pillow," Kristin said.  Jennifer grabbed a basin of water and a cloth. Nathan took a clean pillow from another bed.  Kristin removed the soiled cloths and ice packs from Lucas' neck.

Dr. Knight took Lucas' temperature.  "He's 104.9."

"That's a 1.7 degree increase in less than an hour.  I can't believe it climbed so quickly.  Nathan, we have to use the second treatment," Kristin said seriously.  "It may have worse side effects, but if we use another treatment and he's immune to it, then…" she didn't finish the sentence but let the thought hang in the air.  Nathan simply nodded his head in agreement.

In about five minutes Lucas was clean with a new pillow and fresh ice packs.  Nathan was once again sitting beside Lucas, as was Kristin.

Kristin grabbed her PAL when it went off.

"Westphalen," she said, falling into her old routine, forgetting to use her married name.

"Doctor," Ford said.  "I've been informed that the shuttle with Lucas' medicine will be docking in med bay in less than five minutes."

"Thank you, Commander.  Please have it brought straight to med bay immediately."

"Will do," Ford replied.

Kristin put her PAL back on her waistband.  "I need to find out the exact dose.  I'll be right back."  Nathan nodded absently.  He realized that Lucas seemed to not be as agitated or restless as he had been the last time he was sick.  He closed his eyes and focused on Lucas.  He was surprised when the picture of his old house in Pearl formed in his head.

__________________

Nathan was standing in the living room of the house he had shared with Carol.  The house they had raised Robert in, and in a dream, the house they had raised Lucas in too.  Nathan looked around but didn't see anyone else.  He walked through the empty rooms, letting old memories fill his thoughts.

He looked out the kitchen window into the back yard and saw Lucas playing in the sand box.  He walked outside and up to Lucas, who looked to be about four or five.

"Lucas?" Nathan said.

The small child looked up at him with those bright, blue eyes and smiled gleefully.  "Hi, daddy.  I made you a castle, but it fell down."

Nathan smiled at him and had a seat on the grass next to the sand box.  "I'm sure it was a beautiful castle.  Lucas, how come you're here?" Nathan asked the child.

"I don't know," Lucas said, digging in the sand with his shovel.

"Are you here by yourself?"

"Uh uh.  Mommy's here with me.  See."  Lucas pointed his small finger over to the flower garden and Nathan saw Carol on her knees planting.  He was momentarily surprised.  When Lucas had said Mommy, he was expecting to see Kristin, not Carol.  But then, in this reality, five year old Lucas had yet to meet Kristin.

"Daddy, will you play with me?  Robbie's not here and Mommy's busy."

"Of course I'll play with you," Nathan said.  He held out his arms and hoisted Lucas up onto his hip.  He smiled as he felt Lucas' small arms wrap around his neck.  He loved these rare moments when he got to spend time with Lucas as a small child.  It only happened in dreams, but he delighted in it none the less.

Nathan carried Lucas over to the flower garden where Carol was working.

"You're home early," Carol said.  "I haven't even started dinner yet."

"That's okay," Nathan replied.  He just stared at her.  She was so beautiful.  Sometimes he actually forgot what she looked like these days, but he could see her so clearly right now.  Where as Kristin had a sultry, exotic beauty to her, Carol had a simple, girl next door kind of beauty.

"Carol," Nathan said, but suddenly the image faded away.

_______________

"Captain," Dr. Knight asked.  "Are you all right?"

Nathan looked up at the doctor with a momentary pang of anger, but then pushed it aside.  After all, Dr. Knight didn't know about Nathan's psi abilities.  Kristin or Dr. Levin never would have intruded like that.

"Yes, I'm fine," Nathan said.  "Just resting my eyes."

"I understand.  Can I get you anything?"

"No, I just want to be left alone," Nathan said.  "Where is Kristin?"

"She is preparing Lucas' medicine.  It just arrived a minute ago," Dr. Knight said.

Just then Kristin appeared next to Lucas' bed side with the syringe in her hand.  She inserted the needle into the cord running from Lucas' IV bag.

"Now we wait, and hope," she said.  She wrote down the time on Lucas' chart so that she would remember to give him his next dose in exactly eight hours.

"Daddy," Lucas mumbled, his eyes still closed.

"I'm here," Nathan said, standing up to have a seat on the bed.  He brushed Lucas' sweaty hair off of his face.  Lucas' eyes fluttered open and tried to focus.

"Daddy I don't feel good."

"I know, but we're going to help you get better."

"I want Mommy."

"Hi, sweetheart.  I'm here too." Kristin said.

Lucas seemed to stare at her for a moment.  "You're not Mommy."

"Lucas, it's me," Kristin explained.  "You're just a little confused."

"No," Lucas insisted.  "You're not Mommy.  Mommy has black hair."

"Lucas," Nathan interrupted, "How old are you?"

Lucas had to think for a moment before he answered, "Five, but I'll be six in two weeks.  Mommy is going to get me a cake with Batman on it.  She said so.  I want Mommy."

Nathan sighed.  "Mommy's not here right now."

"Why?" Lucas asked innocently.

Nathan looked at Kristin when he couldn't think of an excuse fast enough to answer Lucas.

"Lucas, you're Mommy is home taking care of Robert.  He came down sick too.  But you're Daddy is with you, and I'm Kristin, and I'll stay with you too.  Okay?"

"Mommy's with Robbie," Lucas said.

Kristin saw the hurt that statement from Lucas caused Nathan.  "That's right," Nathan said.  "Mommy's with Robbie."

"But you'll stay with me, won't you Daddy?"  Lucas' eyes were already drooping.  It would only be a matter of seconds before he went back to sleep.

"Wild horses couldn't drag me away," Nathan replied.  He watched as Lucas slowly slipped back in to realm of dreams.

"You okay?" Kristin asked after a moment.

"I'm fine," Nathan said.  "It's the truth, Carol is with Robert, and Lucas didn't understand what he was saying.  He thought he was five years old."

"It was cute hearing him call you Daddy, seeing him so innocent," Kristin said.  "I just wish it was under different circumstances.

____________________

Ben was sitting on the edge of his bed.  His tears had dried up a long time ago.  Part of him felt like an idiot crying in front of the Captain like that.  He was a thirty-two year old man for goodness sake.  But then part of him just didn't give a damn.  There was really only two people in the world he loved unconditionally, and who returned that love.  Katie was one, and Lucas was the other.

It had just broke his heart to hear Lucas talking so calmly about dying.  He was more worried about how the Captain would cope than he was about his own well being.  Ben found that he just couldn't deal with it.  

He had never felt so helpless in all his life.  There had been a many a danger to Lucas over the past two years;  Cobb, Lawrence, Dr. Price, Hector and Rico.  In all of those situations he had been able to do something, to actively participate in protecting the kid, or at the very least helped to cheer him up when he was down.  It had felt so good to punch Hector square in the face the other day.

But now Lucas was in danger from something that Ben was powerless to fight, something that couldn't even be seen with the naked eye.  A good punch to the face, or a vid-disc wasn't going to fix this problem.  He wasn't sure if anything could fix this problem.  

Ben suddenly got down on his knees and rested his arms on his bunk.  He entwined his fingers together and did something he'd never consciously done before.

"God, I'm not a praying man.  Generally speaking, I don't bother you and you don't bother me.  I didn't ask for your help when Katie divorced me, I didn't ask for your help when my father became a drunk and slapped my mother around.  I've basically never asked you for anything.  Like they say, God helps those who help themselves, right.  Well big fella, if you're really up there, then I need your help today.  

It's not really for me as much as it's for Lucas.  God, he's fifteen years old, and just for the record you didn't exactly make this kid's life a bed of roses.  You owe him.  Do you hear me?  You owe him.  What kind of a God are you if all you did was put the kid on earth so he could be tortured daily for thirteen years, only to let him die at fifteen.  The kid's life just got good, and now he might die!  It's just not fair.  If he dies, I swear, I'll never believe in you ever again."

Ben lowered his head and laid his forehead on the side of his bunk.

_________________

Kristin stared in disbelief at the digital read out on the thermometer.  She saw that Nathan was also staring at the read out, 105.5.  The boy hadn't moved a muscle in the past two hours, not since he had awaken and thought he was five.  He was deathly still in his bed.  The only thing that moved was the droplets of sweat that rolled down the side of his face.

Kristin had fought to be strong all day, trying her best to not let her fear and desperation show, but suddenly she couldn't hold it in any longer.  She was terrified that Lucas was going to die.  The tears started to fall slowly at first, making their way silently down her face.  Then she drew in a deep breath and began to sob.  

In an instant Nathan was beside her, holding her, trying to comfort her.  His words didn't even register in her mind.  She simply clung to him and buried her face into his chest.

"I should have called Dr. Carlson the first day Lucas came down sick.  It's my fault.  If I had simply found out which medicine to use sooner he would be okay now.  Why didn't I call?  How could I have made such a mistake?  If he dies it'll be all my fault.  I'll have killed my own son."

"Kristin, don't do this.  It's not your fault Lucas is sick.  There was no way you could have known he'd be immune to the other medicine.  It just happened."

"I still should have called.  I'm a doctor.  I know how dangerous malaria is."

"Kristin, this isn't what Lucas would want.  Earlier, before his temperature began to rise, he made me promise him something.  He made me promise that if he died, that I wouldn't run away.  He didn't want me to leave you all alone and for me sit on some island and drink myself to death.  If he were conscious right now he would tell you that he wouldn't want you to stand here and blame yourself for something that a mosquito did."

"I don't want him to die," Kristin cried.  

"Neither do I, but we can't give up yet.  Please don't give up hope.  Right now hope is all we have."

"You're right.  I'm sorry," Kristin said, prying herself out of Nathan's grasp.  She quickly wiped her eyes and tried to pull herself back together.  

She walked over to Lucas' bed and rewet the cloth that was on Lucas' forehead and then gently placed it back on him.  She bent down and whispered in his ear.  "Please don't give up.  We love you and we don't want to lose you."

Nathan sat down in the chair that he had already clocked a many an hour in and took Lucas' sweaty hand in his.  If Lucas was going to die he wanted to spend what little time he had left with his son.  He closed his eyes and waited for the images to form in his mind.

______________

He saw Lucas sitting on the bench next to Mickey Mouse.  Nathan looked around and realized that he was at Disney World.  This was the day he and Lucas and Kristin had gone to the Magic Kingdom.  It was the day that Lucas had actually hugged him of his own free will.  The few times before that they had hugged Nathan had initiated the embrace.  This was also the day that Nathan knew his life had changed…for the better.

Nathan walked up to Lucas and had a seat next to the boy on the bench.  Mickey Mouse got up and walked away, leaving the two of them alone.  They were the only two people in the entire park.

"I've been waiting for you to come," Lucas said.  "I knew you would."

"I thought I'd pop in here and see how you are doing," Nathan told him.

"I'm okay," Lucas said.  "I want to tell you something.  I wanted you to know that this was the happiest day of my life, the day we came here."

"I think it was the first time in your life that you actually got to just be a kid," Nathan replied.  "I remember how much fun you had, and how important it was to you that we all get our picture taken with Mickey Mouse."

"That's true, but that isn't the reason why this day is so important to me," Lucas said.  "Yes, it was fun, and exciting, but something else happened, too."

"What?" Nathan asked.

"This was the day that I realized that someone in the world actually loved me," Lucas answered.

"Son, Kristin and I loved you long before we came here," Nathan said with a grin.

"I know that now, but I didn't know that back then.  I mean, I was starting to figure it out, but honestly, I thought the only reason you took such an interest in me was so you could make sure I was doing lots of new research, and I figured Kristin constantly hassled me about eating, sleeping, and taking care of myself as a way of controlling me and bossing me around.  I knew that you cared, but I thought it was because it was your job to take care of me simply because I had been dropped off at your door."

"Kiddo, I never thought of you as a job.  I admit that in the beginning you could drive me crazy at times, you still can, but right from the beginning I felt a bond with you.  You'll never know how hard I worked to get you to trust me."

"Actually I do.  I know because the entire time you were trying to get me to trust you I was working equally hard at keeping you away.  But something happened in my head the day we came here.  I don't know.  It's like I just sort of said, okay, you win.  I mean, you'd found out the night before that I was only fourteen, and you weren't even mad that I had lied to you."

"You lied because you were afraid of what Lawrence would have done to you if the secret had been found out," Nathan stated.

"Yeah, but still, you found out and you didn't freak out on me.  You also promised to not kick me off the boat.  No one had ever promised me anything before.  Anyway, I just wanted you to know all of this."

Nathan had been enjoying this talk with his son but then suddenly he realized what Lucas was doing.  "Why did you want me to know this?" Nathan asked, even though he suspected the answer.

"Because I wanted you to know how much you meant to me, and that I appreciated everything you did for me.  I was so miserable and alone, and always afraid.  I had never had the chance to experience life.  All I knew of the world was classrooms and books, and then to be sent to a submarine at the bottom of the ocean.  You did so much for me though.  I've seen so many places, done so many things, and even got to be in a real family."

"Lucas, please don't do this," Nathan begged.  "Don't talk to me in past tense!  Don't say good bye!  You are not going to die, do you hear me?"

Lucas simply looked at him with a patient grin on his face.  "I don't want to die and leave you and Mom, but if I do, just know that I'm not afraid, and that I won't be alone.  I think Mom…I mean, Carol…and Robbie will be waiting for me."

Nathan couldn't stand it any longer.  "No damn it!  You are not going to leave me.  I won't allow it.  I've lost enough in this life.  I will not stand by and watch another son be torn away from me.  I am not going to let you give up.  Lucas you are so much stronger than you ever gave yourself credit for.  Stop talking as if you're already gone and start fighting."  Nathan grabbed Lucas by the shoulder and shook him.  "Fight damn it!  Fight!"

"Nathan!  Nathan stop!"

____________________

"Nathan you're going to hurt him!!" Kristin yelled as she clutched at Nathan's arm.

Nathan's eyes flew open and he stared in shock.  His hands were on Lucas' shoulders and he was shaking the boy's unconscious body violently.  He suddenly released his hold on him and Lucas plopped back down on his mattress.

Just then Lucas went in to another convulsion.  By this time Nathan already knew the routine.  Make sure he didn't fall out of the bed and wait for it to pass.  Kristin put a cloth in his mouth for him to bite down on.  After about fifteen seconds it passed and Lucas was still once again.

Kristin removed the cloth from Lucas' mouth, then she grabbed Nathan's arm and pulled him away from the bed and eased him into a chair across the room.

"What on earth was that all about?" Kristin asked, having a seat next to him.

"Lucas is giving up," Nathan said.  "He was telling me how he was grateful for all we did for him, and that he doesn't want to leave us, but he's not afraid…to die that is."

"I think we should get Ben in here, and anyone else who wants to see Lucas," Kristin said.  She didn't add the words 'before he dies'.  Nathan already knew that was what she meant.  Nathan just nodded his head at her suggestion.  

Nathan pulled out his PAL and paged Com. Ford.  "Jonathon, I need you to find Ben, he's probably in his room, and tell him that he should come to med bay.  Also inform the senior crew that if anyone wants to see Lucas, they should come here…soon."

"Aye sir," Ford said.

_________________

Ben sat like a statue in a chair in med bay.  His eyes were red from crying, but no one in the room seemed to care.  Truthfully there were a lot of red eyes in the room.  Katie, Tim, Miguel, Jonathon, Crocker, and Shan were all there.  Ford, Miguel, and Shan had managed to keep it together, but Katie, Tim, and even the Chief had to fight to hold back the tears.

In the past hour that everyone had been there Lucas' temperature had remained the same at 105.5, and he had a seizure.  The crew, especially Ben, had become panicked when Lucas started convulsing, but it passed like the others and then he was lifeless once more.

Nathan stared at his watch.  The hours were dragging by painfully slow.  Kristin was pacing back and forth in the room.  She walked over to Lucas to take his temperature once again just to have something to do, to try and feel like she was actually doing something that might help Lucas.

She waited patiently for the read out.  "Nathan!" she gasped.  "His fever's breaking.  He's down to 104.4!"

"You're sure?" Nathan asked.

"Yes," Kristin replied.

Nathan quickly embraced her and squeezed her so tight that he lifted her off the floor.  Ben and Katie did a similar act.

"So he's going to be okay?" Tim asked, his voice hopeful.

"He's not completely out of danger yet, but at least with the fever coming down he has a chance," Kristin exclaimed.

"What happens now?" Ben asked.

"He'll start sweating…a lot, but as long as we keep him hydrated he should pull through," Kristin said.

______________

Kristin changed Lucas' IV bag and gave him his next injection of his medicine.  Nathan was wiping the sweat from Lucas' face with a wet cloth.  Lucas' fever had dropped another two degrees, and with the sweat on his bare skin he had started shivering once again, but at least there hadn't been any more convulsions in the past two hours.

Ben remained in med bay even though everyone else had left some time ago to return to their duties.

"Dad," came the whispered word from Lucas' lips.

"Lucas it is so good to hear your voice," Nathan said.

"I'm…fight…ing," Lucas moaned, and then surrendered once more to unconsciousness.

"I know you are," Nathan said to the sleeping boy.  "I know you are."

It was another thirty minutes before Lucas woke up once more.  He looked around and saw both Mom and Dad sitting in chairs next to his bed, along with Ben sitting on the other side of the bed.  He realized two things right away.  First, he was freezing once more, and second, that he was very thirsty.

"M-Mom," Lucas croaked out.

Kristin, along with Nathan and Ben, sat up to look at Lucas.

"Lucas," Kristin smiled.  "How are you feeling?"

"Cold…thirsty."

"I bet," Kristin agreed.  She quickly filled a cup with water and held it to Lucas' mouth.  He drank it down.  "Now let's get you out of all these wet things."

Nathan and Kristin went about to removing everything off of Lucas.  Then, like last time, Nathan carried Lucas to a dry bed and Kristin transferred his IV bag.  Kristin washed all of the sweat off of Lucas and then raised his head up so she could position a ballooned mat under it so she could wash his hair.  He would feel much more comfortable once he was clean.

Lucas was awake, but he was too weak to do much of anything other than lie there.

"Mom…I'm hungry," Lucas said softly.

"I'll get you something to eat as soon as I'm done," Kristin said.

"I'll get it," Ben volunteered.

"That would be very helpful," Kristin said.  "Make sure you get something light for him.  Fruit, jello, soup, maybe some juice, but no milk.  He's still a little warm and it'll sour in his stomach."

"You got it, doc," Ben said, his mood better than it had been all day.  Lucas was awake, his fever was down, and he was asking for food.  What more could he want?

_______________

Lucas let out a yawn.  He was warm and dry, and had a full belly, but he was exhausted, mentally and physically.  Mom was listening to his heart beat and taking his temperature.  Dad was being careful to not get in her way.

"Will I get sick again?" Lucas asked weakly.

Kristin stopped what she was doing and looked at him.  "I don't know," she said, "and I swear to you that is the truth.  Now that we have you on the correct medicine the odds are that you won't, but I can't make any guarantees to you."

"If I get sick again will I make it?" Lucas asked.

Kristin looked at Nathan.  Nathan stepped forward and placed his hand on the side of Lucas' face.  

"You'll make it, cause I won't let you give up," Nathan said.  "I know you've seen and done a lot of things in the past couple of years, but you still have so much more yet to experience."

"I wasn't giving up before," Lucas said.  "I was just so worried about how you would react if I didn't make it.  I remember what happened when Cynthia faked my death.  You ran away."

"I did run away, and I'm ashamed of that.  It was wrong of me to leave Kristin alone to make all the arrangements.  I swear to you I'll never do that again.  I made a promise to Kristin a long time ago that from now on no matter what happens we face it together, and I'm going to stand by my promise."

"Dad, do you think we can go back to Disney World?" Lucas asked, another yawn escaping his mouth.

"Yes, we can go back to Disney World as soon as our next leave comes up," Nathan replied.

"I want to take Ben and everyone else too," Lucas said sleepily.  "That would be really great."

"Anything you want kiddo," Nathan said.  "We'll get a group picture with Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck."

"Cool," Lucas whispered and his eyes softly closed.

"Are you really going to take the entire senior crew to Disney World?" Kristin asked with a big smile.  She knew Nathan would never turn the boy down.

"You bet.  I think it's a great idea, don't you?"

Yes, I do," Kristin agreed.  "You know, in the morning we are going to have to explain to Lucas about the powerful drugs he's on, and why he is suddenly going to have a twenty-four hour a day baby sitter."

"I know, but we'll deal with that in the morning," Nathan said.  "Right now I just want to be with you and my son, who is very much alive, and not have to worry about anything for just a little while."

********

Just for the record Lucas will **not have a third bout of malaria.  This story was very depressing to write.  I had to stop writing twice because I started to cry and couldn't see the screen anymore to type!!  I hope you enjoyed it.**


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